Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing this letter with the intent of introducing myself to you and my fellow course mates. I am Gunasekaran Akash who have completed grade 12 CBSE (CENTRAL BOARD SECONDARY EDUCATION) from Global Indian International School (GIIS). Robotics is a field that I have been interested ever since I was in primary school, which led me to take part in several robotic competitions. During my time in middle school and high school, I didn’t really get any opportunities to grow and develop my latent skills and abilities in robotics. Being a very curious and highly inquisitive person, I have always been fascinated about humanoid robots and its functions which has made me wrap my head around on how it works and how it helps to make an impact in our lives. Fortunately, getting accepted into SIT’s Robotics System Degree Programme was able to rekindle my burning passion for robotics in which, it will empower me to create or invent something remarkable in this field.
Furthermore, I would also like to address my experiences in context of communications. I have participated in several MUNs (MODEL UNITED NATIONS) and debates. Based on these experiences I was able identify that my greatest strength is that I can convey myself easily to others. My weakness is the lack of confidence that I have in myself which causes me to forget my lines during a debate or a presentation.
By taking up this module, I see myself being speaking with more tenacity and improving my rhetorical speaking skills. In addition to this, I also look forward to polishing up my writing and presentation skills with your guidance. I hope after reading this letter, you and my fellow course mates can understand me better as an individual.
Yours Sincerely,
G.Akash
Revised Edition : 21th September 2022
Very nice
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ReplyDeleteWhile I read, I believe it met all the nessary requirement for this assignment with no noticeable language errors. However, I believe he can be more explicit in elaborating on his strength in communication.
ReplyDeleteDear Akash,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the detailed letter. I appreciate the content being aligned with the brief and the clarity in the exlanation of your interest in robotics engineering. It's also interesting to learn about your perceived comm strength and weakness in the ocntext of the experiences that you overview.
There are some issues with language use. You need to review your use of several sentences and consider this one in particular:
-- I am writing this letter not only to introduce myself but also to know me better as an individual to you and my fellow course mates. > (lack of parallel structure)
There are also issues in these:
-- ...getting accepted into SIT’s Robotics System Degree Programme was able to rekindle my burning passion for robotics in which, I believe it will motivate me to invent or to create something remarkable in this field. > (problem with subordination)
-- My weakness is the lack of confidence that I have, which might inhibit me to forget some of the points that I might have wanted to speak about during presentation or a debate. > (wrong use of words)
Let's discuss this.
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Sorry sir for not replying to your comment earlier on, thanks for taking the time and spotting my errors . I have rectified the errors and corrected my mistakes in my revised edition, please kindly look through it and let me know your opinion. thanks.
DeleteThe letter is well written, it clearly states what is required such as his educational background and why he is interested in this program. However I think that the terms "middle school" and "high school" can be replaced with a term that is used in Singapore or it can state what is the equivalent as I myself, am not sure what stage of studying that would be at.
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